Motherhood before was some sort of journey that every woman had to go through. Some dreamed that they want to be a mother someday, have their own family, and bring up their kids by themselves. Now some women look at motherhood differently. Some just want to have kids without the added security of marriage. Some prefer to adopt because they dislike childbirth, and perhaps , some are at a loss, not knowing where their life will be heading, thinking that motherhood was not really meant for them.
I got married to my boyfriend because I was pregnant. A lot of people did not approve of our decision but we still went ahead with it. It had been rocky from the start as we were driven individuals, just starting to have a career. Being young, everything was all over the place. The arguments, the decision making, the learning to stand on our own thing only to learn we cannot do it by ourselves. Ultimately, we had to separate and that was the hardest part.
Choosing to become a mom was not instantaneous. I am not going to pretend I loved every minute of it when I was starting because it was such a struggle. I did not know how to talk to a baby and ask what she needs. All she did was wail and squeal, except when she was fed and sound asleep. Worst , when she started teething, the cries were endless, because of her hurting gums and restless stomach due to diarrhea. I was grateful when my mom was there to take turns so I could at least grab some sleep.
Years had passed, with seven kids to take care of, feed, guide and discipline, I had learned to love the journey which was like a maze at first. It was not easy. But when you see that your kids, who are replicas of yourself, learn to become independent, rely on themselves , and try to understand that life is not what it seems, you try your best to make things different for them. You become honest, you become real, telling them you are not perfect, and try to give them what you think is best. Most importantly, you pray and hope, that their lives would be better than the one that you had.
I was introduced to the world of blogging November of 2011 . When I started, I never thought it would open a lot of doors for me. Not only that, I never imagined that I can write posts that would touch other people’s lives, telling me that tears almost dwelled in their eyes making them cry. Sometimes, I still cannot believe that I wrote them, that my stories can create inspiration by simply sharing and being true to myself.
In a way, blogging is like motherhood. One may start this journey full of doubts and second thoughts, worried that it would bring more heartaches than fulfillment, thinking perhaps, you were not born with it. Time and attention is sacrificed, giving a piece of yourself, hoping they would understand.
But when your effort had been reciprocated, then it changes the whole picture. The fulfillment that you get, from your children’s good grades, thoughtfulness, self reliance and understanding, is the same fulfillment you get from your readers, when they post comments, liked your posts, and tell you to continue writing. Your readers become a source of inspiration, to keep you going and to believe that your decision to pour your heart out, letting them know what you’ve been through and what have you become, were all worth it.